the decision

Thank you all SOOOOOO much for the sweet comments and emails regarding our move back to the lone star state! Mr. Fancy is from there and I have lived there a few different times in my life, as well. In fact, that’s where we met and fell in love, so in a certain sense, it is like going home, but at the same time, it’s not. It’s starting all over again.

I figured, I would start today with how we came to the decision to move and give you a little glimpse into how I am trying to find peace with it. The tears are already starting as I write this post and I’m only a few sentences in…

We love where we live, we love our house and we love our neighborhood. The fact that we live in a city that has perfect weather, pretty much all year round, is a bonus. We have tossed around the idea of moving back to Houston for a few years now. It was never really a serious discussion, but it was always kind of there in the back of our minds. Mr. Fancy travels a lot. Like, halfway through the year, he had already flown 120,000 miles, a lot. Being centrally located is pretty key for his line of work and being here on the west coast, we are far from that. So, one day a few months ago, we decided we should really consider the option of moving. I’m not sure if it’s because the travel has been even more insane than usual this year or why. We just felt a need to explore the possibility of a move to ease the amount of travel on everyone. So, we did.

We went to Houston to look around and decide if we really wanted to take the plunge. We went, we looked at houses and still weren’t sure if we were going to do it or not. We were leaning towards yes, but still needed to think about it more. We decided to go again, right after my birthday and this was going to be our make or break trip. We decided that the move was going ti happen, while we were there. I sobbed most of the way home on the plane, just thinking about leaving people behind. We decided to list our house here. September is typically a slower time for real estate, so we figured, if it didn’t sell by November, then we would just pull it off the market and reevaluate. As soon as I signed the paperwork to list the house, I started to second guess the decision. I kept worrying that it was the wrong decision. It was consuming me. I was praying about it constantly, but worrying about it constantly. Like all day, all night. I barely slept that week. I had such mixed feelings. I wanted our house to sell quickly, so that I didn’t have to worry about it being on the market. Then, I couldn’t even decide if I even wanted it to sell at all. I was all over the place emotion wise, really, I still am.

So, we decided to list our house on the MLS on a Friday evening. We were over at our best friends’ house for dinner, when I received the text from our real estate agent, that our home was live on the MLS. Talk about an overwhelming feeling of worry and sadness. My best friend and I cried a lot that evening. I can’t even think about the fact that she won’t be right down the street from me, without crying. There will be more on that on another day.

I had specifically said that I didn’t want anyone inside the house until the open house that was scheduled for that Sunday. I didn’t want a sign up until Saturday. I had a few things that I was set on in that aspect. I woke up Saturday morning to a “For Sale” sign in my yard. It was real. We were moving. Again, tears and doubt and worry consumed me. I didn’t even want to leave the house that day because I didn’t want to have to talk to any of the neighbors because I was such an emotional mess. So, we spent most of the day, cleaning and making the house look “open house presentable,”  which is no easy feat. When I woke up on Sunday morning, I laid in my bed and prayed so hard. I prayed the God would give me some sort of sign or clarity that this was, indeed the right decision for us. I prayed that I could come to some sort peace with the fact that we had listed the house, that we had decided to move. I just prayed and prayed. I prayed for an answer of some sort. I just couldn’t go on living with the worry and doubt that was consuming me. We decided to head out to lunch while the open house went on. A few hours into the open house, I received a text from our agent saying that she thought that house was sold. Apparently the people had seen the house on the MLS on Friday and looked at the pictures a lot and knew they were going to make an offer. Within a couple of hours of the open house ending, we had an offer. Wow. Hello clarity! Hello Sign! I mean it hit me like an emotional ton of bricks, but it was what I prayed for! I needed a sign. I needed something to let me know that we were making the right move. Something else that I had prayed for was that we could sell the house, but rent it back for a month or two. Well, part of this offer, included that we could rent our house back for a few months afterwards.

I had prayed for clarity. I had prayed for a sign. I had prayed for peace. It was like God was handing it all to me and saying “Here you go, Ashley! This is the right decision. You guys made the right decision and I fully support you. Oh, and you can stay in the house for a few months too, like you prayed for. Don’t worry, this is part of your plan, your story and I am with you.” I sit here writing this, with tears pouring down my face. I received the sign that I had prayed for. This is CLEARLY meant to be. But, I have still struggled with how fast it all happened. It has been a whirlwind. I am thankful for how quickly it happened. I feel blessed by how quickly it happened. I feel blessed by the clarity that we were given. I feel blessed that I didn’t have to show my house for weeks on end. I was honestly really worried about that aspect. I mean, how can you keep a house immaculate with two kids and two dogs? It’s pretty much impossible. I could barely do it for one day!  So, while, I still worry, I have come to a certain sense of peace with the decision. God answered my prayers. Yes, I’m still working on sorting it all out and sorting out all of my emotions, but HE answered my prayers. He clarified that it was the right decision for us. As I’ve said before, I am a work in progress. I am still trying to sort out all the emotions that go along with a life changing event, such as a move. There are days that I feel completely at peace with it and there are days that I don’t feel at peace with it at all and I’m going to be honest about those days and why I’m feeling the way I do. But, in the back of my mind, I know that is all part of God’s perfect plan for me and for my family and I’m trying to just be at peace with it and after all, that is what I am writing about for 31 days, so really, this series came at a perfect time for me in the season of life that I’m in.

This is the 9th post in a 31 day series about Finding Peace. You can find the rest of the posts in this series, here.