We are coming up on the one year mark of our move to Texas.
It’s been a year. In some ways it seems like the year flew by. In some ways it seems like the year drug on. In other ways it feels like I was just packing up our house, yesterday. Time is funny like that. You can feel all those feelings about time in the same thought.
I thought an update was necessary because I haven’t talked about the move much lately. When I look back at 2014, I think, “man that was a year of lessons.” Moving is tough. It just is. I’ve moved a lot in my lifetime. As a kid and teenager, I thought it was the end of the world, but always adapted and thrived and loved the adventure, in the end. I would say the moving that was done in my childhood helped to shape who I am today. I’ve always felt like I could move anywhere and eventually be okay. As a single adult, I loved the adventure of moving and just knew that I would be fine wherever I went. When we discussed our potential move to Texas, I thought it would be hard, but I don’t think I realized it would be as hard as it was, if that makes sense? I mean really moving isn’t ever going to be easy with kids and family in tow. But, I think my experience just proved to be tougher than I could even imagine.
Saying goodbye to family, friends, babysitters, doctors, etc was awful. I can still remember sobbing as I hugged our pediatrician and said goodbye. A year later, I still have not found a doctor that fills his shoes. And that’s the hardest part, you leave and know you’ll need to find all new doctors, friends, etc, but it’s not as easy as it sounds. No one will replace my best friend and her family who lived a couple houses down from us. No one ever could. She’s my person. We’ve had some of the best times together. But, it’s hard being so far away. Thankfully, I see my family a few times a year and they are planning to visit early this year as well. We talk a lot on text, phone and thank God for FaceTime. I hate being a plane ride away though. As I said goodbye to my grandparents at Thanksgiving, I cried. I just wish I could be near everyone. I love my family a lot. We’ve been through a lot together, so to be this far away is not something I think I’ll ever really get used to. No one can replace our doctors, hair stylists, babysitters, etc. You find new, but I still wonder if I’ll ever feel the same about those people years down the line, like I did about our California people.
I would say that 2014 started off pretty darn lonely. I missed family and friends like crazy. I was in a tiny apartment with none of my things. We brought a couple suitcases of clothes and a few kitchen items and that was it. I couldn’t seem to snap out of it. I would come back to the apartment that we stayed in while our house was being finished, and just cry some days. I didn’t have the easiest time making friends. It’s hard when friend groups are already established and they’re not looking for newbies or when you just don’t feel a connection with people. I look back and think that I wish I could’ve known that I would be okay here in the beginning.. Like I knew I would, but at the same time, daily, I thought we couldn’t stay here and needed to move back. For awhile I even told Mr. Fancy that, probably daily, which looking back, must have been so stressful on him. But, I really didn’t know who else to tell.
I can still remember packing up the old house. It didn’t feel real. After we sold the house, I kept thinking of all the things I loved about it. I still do actually, even though I love our new house. I remember walking through one last time and thinking “this is it.” It was pretty sad and honestly I still kind of wonder what the people that moved in, have done to it. Did they keep my window treatments? Did they actually put a sauna in the guest bathroom shower area like they said they planned to? Those kinds of things. I think about Teddy and Reagan’s rooms and wonder what they look like now. I’m not sure why I even care, but we put a lot of love into that house, so I still think of it often. It’s funny, because as much as I loved the house, I don’t think I realized it until after we sold it and were about to move.
I get emails a lot about moving. You want to know if it’s really hard and how to cope, etc. I think each person has to go through their own emotions on that one. It’s hard to know what to say. If I’m being honest, I would say that moving across the country with two toddlers was one of the hardest things I’ve done in my adult life so far. The people you leave behind are not only your people, but they are the kids’ people too. So, you are not only losing people, but so are your kids. That’s really hard to watch. I can now understand what my mom must have felt when we were moving, as kids. Teddy started school a couple days after we got here and honestly, he really adapts to most situations pretty easily. He didn’t have the easiest time in school with the work, but he didn’t really even realize that. He made friends and had things to look forward to and was happy for the most part. He missed friends and stuff about the house. They still sometimes say “when can we go back to the house in San Diego?” Like they just don’t really get the finality of the move, I guess. Reagan struggled a bit when we got here, which I was not expecting. She was just down and not herself. We started ballet and she looked forward to that each week. After a bit of time, she was more settled and was back to her old self. I worried a lot about them too. No one ever wants their babeis to struggle. Once we moved into the house, I thought we would all feel more settled, mainly me. That really wasn’t the case. I remember sitting on my couch listening to the little presidents play and thinking “everyone is happy here, but me.” Just thinking about that brings tears to my eyes. The little presidents love the house and honestly it’s such a great floor plan for kids. I just love how much they love their rooms and playroom.
We spent a month of the summer in California with my family. It just seemed like a great way to pass the time of the summer without being solo 24/7. Once we got home, I hit the ground running on projects and really tried to finish up house projects that I had started. I really though that the more finished the house was, the better I would feel. And in a sense it does help. The chaos of unfinished rooms and boxes stresses me out. It kept me busy, but I still didn’t feel like this was really the place we were meant to be. I had a really bad evening one night and came home and just sobbed. I called my hubby who was out of town and he asked me if I had prayed about it, like really prayed about it. So, I prayed and cried and prayed and cried. I feel like that was a turning point night for me.
It took some time…9 months to be exact, but I made friends. I finally felt like I was back in the groove. I still miss our people there. I still miss things about California, but I am finally feeling more settled here. I finally reached a point where I thought “We are going to be okay here.” It was a good feeling. I must admit that Christmas was tough. We always hosted my family and our friends Christmas Day and it was really hard to have such a quiet Christmas Day this year with just the four of us. My hubby and I both felt it. We loved that day with fam and friends. My sister and I might have called each other in tears a couple times and again thank God for FaceTime, because we did that a few times too.
I guess what I am getting at is, we are doing okay here. The little presidents are happy. I do feel it was a good decision for us to move. I’m glad I can type that out now. If you would’ve asked me that last March, I might have said “heck no!” But, all joking aside, moving is hard. It really is. I think everyone has their own experiences. This was mine and mine was hard. Harder than I imagined hard could be. When I see an email come through about an upcoming move, I pray that that person has an easier time than I did. I feel like a year later, I can actually see that I learned a lot from this year. One thing being, I should have had more faith in the beginning. Would it have been easier on me? Maybe. I think I could’ve enjoyed things a little more had I have known that eventually life would be okay here.
I hope this all makes sense. It might be a bunch of rambling. But, that’s okay, rambles it is.
Life marches on and I am looking forward to feeling even more settled here in 2015.
As I was lying in bed, this morning, feeling the weight of our recent big move to Texas, I opened your post and immediately felt better… like someone else really understood just how hard it is. We moved in July and I keep waiting to have all those besties again and for this place to magically become home. I try. Sometimes I think I over try. It’s hard when the rest of my family didn’t skip a beat and I’m lagging behind. Thank you, thank you, for your honesty. I will be praying for you!
Meagan! I totally feel you! I think it’s easier for the kids and hubbies sometimes. They just seem to adapt easier. I’m praying for you! I really hope you make some pals soon. Friends are such a key part in feeling like a place is home! Sending hugs!! xoxo
Hi, thank you for this post. I moved to Texas 3 yrs ago & feel just like you. But, I still feel sad & unsettled like I don’t belong here and just want to go back home. I am shy & an introvert so it is very hard for me to make friends. Prayer keeps me moving forward & as hard as it is I know I have to trust God. I think I need to pray harder for acceptance of being here & to be at peace with it. I pray God will give me a true qualitygenuineChristian friend one day. Peace & Blessings, JV
Hi Jeannie! I will pray that for you too! I made my closest friends here in Bible study! Maybe something like that would be a great way to meet people! Sending hugs!!! xoxo
As someone who has moved 8 times in the past 10 years (Military) I will say it does get easier, but the desire to live near your family will likely never go away. I still crave being able to just hop on over to my sister’s house, or the comfort of an impromptu dinner at mom and dad’s. Those are things we will not have until our 20 years is up, and I’ve come to terms with that. But it doesn’t make it any easier. For now I look at life as an adventure, and thank the good Lord I have a family and amazing friends back home to miss 🙂 And hallelujah for face time and facebook. Hugs, Sista!
Lindsey! 8 times!!! Ahhh! You are amazing! I so miss my fam! I wish I could hop in the car and see them all! And yes, so thankful for FaceTime! What would we do without it! xoxo!
Ashley, I love this. I am so grateful for such an honest look at moving. I grew up in Denver. My family lives there, my friends live there, my whole live unfolded in colorado. But a few years ago, I decided to travel around the world, and as soon as I came home, I was offered a job near Atlanta. With my car packed with as many things as I could fit, I drove down south. That was the very first time i’d been to the south and I was moving there. It took a long time, but I got settled. I met my husband, we got engaged, I had a great group of friends. But then a few months before our wedding, we both lost our jobs. Our company downsized and we, along with all of our friends, were forced to move on. We moved to Nashville the weekend before our wedding and have been here for the last six months. It was lonely at first. I go back to Denver as often as I can, and talk to my Georgia friends every day. But it’s hard. It takes a ton of intentionality to make new friends in a new place, and it takes much longer than I think I wanted to give it. Anyway – thank you so much for your story. I have such a unique appreciation for moving stories now. Wishing you a full home, best friends down the street, and plenty of visits to California. All my love, Stephanie
Hi Stephanie! I hope you are liking your new town a bit more now. It’s so tough to make new friends. The real and true friends that is. I have found that you just can’t replace them and I am blessed to now have a few of them here as well, but it took some time to find them. 🙂 I pray that you find your people there too! xoxo
I can really relate to this post.
In 2012 we moved from Oregon to Virginia on the outskirts of the DC area for my husbands job.
I felt like I had moved to a different world.
I was beyond depressed, I had no friends or family & to make it worse I gained 40 lbs.
To pass the time I liked to search the internet for houses in different areas, that we could eventually move to after my daughter had graduated from high school.
I stumbled across a home in NC, 40 minutes from the OuterBanks, we went to see it even though it wasn’t an remotely a possibility. Who would’ve guessed 7 months later we would be living in the house & my daughter in high school would be elated?!
The bittersweet tradeoff is that my darling husband lives in DC during the week & comes home on the weekends, it’s not ideal but we’ve done 2 deployments so I’m not worried!
The best part, the 40 lbs I gained, I lost, plus an additional 10 lbs & I am happier then I’ve ever been!
I love our town, I LOVE that we’re 40 minutes from the beach & I adore our home, everything is exactly how it was meant to be!
Paige! I love this story! It was all so meant to be! I’m so happy to hear you are doing so well!!! xoxo!
Thank you for your honesty! I know that this could not have been an easy post to write but it was just what I needed to hear! So thank you!
Hey Lauren! Thank you! xoxo!
Oh Ashley! This post really stood out to me. As i mentioned on one of your IG pics, my littlest 4, (just turned 4,) is going through chemotherapy for Leukemia. it’s such a hard time! we’ve contemplated a move, too. the hard times you spoke of are exactly why we won’t do it right now-we just need our family/friends/familiarity at this time.
it sounds like you are finally finding your stride there in Tx! We are in CA and i’d imagine moving to tx would not be easy. I’m sincerely hoping that 2015 brings all the happiness you guys deserve in your new home state!
Amy! Still praying for you guys! I hope your little one is doing better and responding well to treatment. Please keep me posted. xoxo
We moved 5 months ago and my teenage daughter is really struggling. It is so hard to see your child so unhappy. Through social media she is still clinging to her old life. Ugh!
Hey Kathy! It’s so tough. I moved the middle of my junior year of high school. I can still remember being plain old devastated. I am praying that she starts to make friends and enjoy life in your new town! xoxo!
We just moved, the week before Christmas…As I sit here sobbing in my bathtub texting my small group about how homesick I am one of them sends me this link and said she read this today and told me to read it. Your post was basically my text message to them. They are MY PEOPLE. We all lived in the same neighborhood, went to the same place to worship, were apart of the same church body, were our kids people, and now we are here. All by ourselves, we don’t know anyone and its lonely. Really lonely. Thankful to have read your post, I know it will eventually be good maybe even great, but right now I just want to be with my people.
Oh Kendall, just in tears reading this. I am praying you find some people in your new town. It’s SO hard. I miss my best friend daily. She lived 4 houses down. I still don’t know that I will ever feel okay about that part. Almost daily, I think “Oh I need to run by their house!” and we haven’t lived on the same street for a year! Please keep me posted on how you are doing. I’ll be thinking about you and praying for you. It will get better. I just know it. Sending hugs!! xoxo!
Thank you so much for this post. We recently moved with our two children, actually to get closer to my husband’s family, but it is still hard. I too questioned if we had made the right choice. The summer was long with my 4 year old missing his friends, it broke my heart to see his struggle. Thankfully, like teddy, he started school and loves it. I am thinking positive thoughts that we will be okay as well.
Hey Rebecca! It’s so great how quickly the kids can adapt, isn’t it? I am praying that you start to feel more at home there. xoxo
I have lived in the same small town all of my life, and I often find myself wondering if I’m missing out on something by not having ever left. This post has definitely given me a new perspective. Will be praying that it gets easier for you and that God will put lots of great new people in your life.
Hey Jenny! Thank you so much! xoxo
Wow. I just randomly stumbled across your post on Instagram which led me to this blog. I needed this. I really needed this. My husband, myself & our 2 lil boys moved across the country in Sept. I thought it’d be for the best. I absolutely hate it. I cry myself to sleep many nights. We need doctors, a new church, friends,.. etc. And it’s hard!!!!!! I love that you made it work. I hope we can but I doubt it. I cannot wait to move back. We moved closer to family but it’s the city I do not like. I despise it. I’m filled with such bitterness it plain out sucks! :(((
Amy! I am so sorry to hear this. I just said a prayer for you. I hate that you are so sad there. I really hope you can make some pals and start to feel more at home there. Sending hugs! xoxo
I read your blog & follow your Instagram and I think you have such a sweet family. This is such an honest post & I love it. If I lived in Texas I would be knocking on your door with my 2.5yr old lil gal telling you to put on some lipstick & glitter and go paint the town pink! I will be praying for you that you more than settle but that you own that place & love it!!
Hey Holly! Thank you for your sweet words. I would so love that! xoxo!
I feel you!! I moved to Houston,tx from Costa Mesa, CA 2 years ago. I was 22 and had just graduated from college when my parents decided to make the move. my whole life was in california, friends and all my memories. like you it took me a long time to settle – i found a job 2 weeks after moving so that i could have something to do, i cried on my way to work a few times and many more on my way “home.” it took a while for it to click that this was home now and that there was no going back. i was able to go back and visit california for a week 6 months after the move, which really helped – i was fortunate enough to also have my closest friends visit. one of my biggest struggles was also making friends, it is much harder as an adult, luckily towards the end of my first year here, we hired a young lady at my office and we clicked! through her i was able to meed more people – she made this place feel more like home. I can honestly say that i grew up in the 2 years here and learned more about myself. i feel like i can move anywhere now! It definitely takes any new place to feel like home. The plus side of a new place to live are all the new places to visit. I learned my way around houston by checking out all the Anthropologies and other stores that I liked back in California.
Hey Arlene! I love that story! How wonderful that your company hired that girl and you became friends! I hope you are still loving it here! xoxo!
Hi, and thanks for this post. I recently moved to texas from the nyc area and its been so hard. You put into words exactly how i am feeling, new everything has been tough and i even have a cousin here. i was looking back on my blog today and found this post you might find amusing:
http://babyperdue.blogspot.com/2011/01/no-you-did-not.html
that was when i HATED CT and by the time we left i was heartbroken, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and i keep reminding myself before too long this will feel like home.
hang in there and know you aren’t alone!
Judith Perdue
Hey Judith! Thank you so much! It’s funny how a place can be such a struggle to love at first, but then you completely call that place home! Hope Texas is starting to feel more like home for you! xoxo!
Love this post! Thank you for sharing! I would be interested to know how you went about meeting new friends… that sounds silly but I am in a new place and it is hard to meet new people in our age group when you have literally no one in a new location! Breaking into established friend groups can definitely be hard. I have been entertaining the idea of joining the Junior League and volunteering for some other causes I am passionate about, and hoping those might be good places to meet new people I have something in common with, but I would be interested to know if you have any ideas! Thanks for your always fabulous insight! xo!
Hey Lindsay! I definitely think Junior League or Charities are great ideas! I joined a bible study and made a really great connection with my core group of girlfriends there. It really was a turning point for me. I cried after the first time I went because I was just so happy to have somewhere like that to go! 🙂 Praying you make some amazing friends soon!! XOXO
This is such an honest, real post about how difficult moving really is. 2014 was the year of the move for us as well. I grew up moving every few year (oil brat) so I thought that moving to australia (from houston) would be a breeze when ny husband got transfered. But it’s so different moving as an adult than as a kid. Making friends as a grown up is a completely different world. I’m lucky to have found a couple good girl friends a month or so into our move but it wasn’t easy at first. I’m glad it got better for you as well!
Hey Courtney! So glad you found some friends! That is so key! I am thankful for the friends Ive made here. Australia sounds like such an adventure! I hope you are enjoying it! xo!
I can identify so much with your post. We have moved several times, and I can always look back on those times of learning and growth as well. One thing that I think was easier once I had kids was not pretending it was all temporary-just waiting for the next visit home or when we could mover closer to home. All in all, I can say I’m grateful for the moves and the times of reflection and growth! Wishing you the best in 2015!
Kelly! Thats such a great way to look at it! I’m thankful for the growth as well!! Hope you are loving your area now too! xoxo!
Wow! Let me just say that a friend of mine follows your IG & blog and referred you to me bc she knew I would relate to a “big move” and was struggling (still am) and we are a yr in as well. It’s very crazy how your words here are EXACTLY how I felt/feel. We moved from GA to AR. GEORGIA is and was my home, it’s oh so very hard to do a big move. Thanks for your post and encouraging words! Glad to know I’m not the only one out there! 🙂 happy new year!
Praying for you!!! It will get better!!! Happy New Year to you!! xoxo!
Well what can I say that hasn’t ready been said? Moving is so so so hard. This is my 3rd asan adult and I really feel like it takes 2 years to be happy again. You know how hard that is. You’re walking it. We are looking at another move this year ( Houston is at the top of our list) and I’m trying to psych myself up for it. So if we do ove to Houston, I’m totally knocking on your door and dragging you to nordstroms and anthro with me! Hang in there, it gets better!
Hey Holly! It’s so tough. I feel like moving just never gets easier! Houston is great. I love it here. I miss things about California, but, hey, there are always pros and cons, you know? If you end up coming this way, definitely let me know! I would love to grab lunch and shop! Praying for peace with your decision! xoxo!
LOVE EVERY SINGLE WORD!. Printed this off and even my husband read it as I wanted him to see such an open perspective on life changes and moving. we have been married 14 years this summer, one 7 year old daughter and a very settled life in Kentucky. for the past few months and especially recently we have decided that moving out west, most likely Texas is where our future will be…a career centered move for the hubby. this is a major change for us as I have lived for 36 years in the same city.. change is good and very scary. I have this blog post printed and laying on my kitchen counter. I adore the reminder that we are all in it together and that its ok to be sad/happy/nervous/excited about major life changes. thank you ASHLEY.
Kristy!!! Praying for you guys!!! It’s definitely scary, but also, such an adventure and so glad you have your hubby and daughter to go through it with!!! Please keep me posted on your move, I’ll be thinking about you guys!!! xoxo
Thank you for this post. It’s exactly what is in my heart. We moved to Houston almost 4 years ago from Denver. We lived in a tiny apartment with our 1 and 3 year old for 6 months before we bought a house north of the city in the suburbs. I too had moved a ton as a child and thought this would be easy. It was so hard. I cried all the time. And I felt like a burden to my husband because he was the only one I had to really talk to about it. I thought once we were settled in our new house I would get better, but I didn’t. My oldest didn’t like the school we enrolled him in, I wasn’t making any friends and all I could think about was moving home. When I got pregnant with our 3rd it was like a ton of bricks- who could I count on to support us? Hold us up? I needed my family and friends and I was at such a loss. We found a new school for our son the following fall and although I made friends it just wasn’t the same- they weren’t the people I could call and have a late afternoon wine play date with, not people I could ask to watch the kids in a pinch. You know? Now that we have been in the area for 3 years things are better. But some days? Not even a little. My husband works lots of hours and he isn’t home until after the kids are in bed and I feel lonely. I know some day I will find a place here that I feel closer to complete, but when?
Katie! You are here right? Let’s have coffee or lunch one day soon!!! xoxo
Such a sweet and honest post, I loved it! We moved cross-country 10 years ago, and I’ve yet to change my phone number or find a hair-stylist. Sometimes you leave a piece of your heart somewhere, and you just don’t get it back. your heart grows and loves, but a tiny piece is missing. We’re about to move again, this time only a few miles away, but already I’m wondering how long before this ‘dream house’ feels like home. And ps — where in Texas are you?!?
Hey Cassie!! It’s hard! I pray your move is smooth and the transition is easy!!! How fun to be moving into a dream house! That will be so fabulous!! We are in the suburbs of Houston! Are you here too??? xoxo
I finally got the chance to sit down and read your recent posts and this one is so refreshing! I wondered how your transition was going… I’m glad you can say you’re ok – attitude is everything and you are a role model at that!
Thank you so much Susie!!! Hugs to you and the boys!!! xoxo!
I feel ya sister! I think after you have experienced the bonds of lifelong friends, moving somewhere new and trying to make new friends is hard. People seem to be in their own routines and don’t necessarily have or want to make room for anyone new. Intentionality is key, yet there are lots of moments where I feel like I’m the only one being intentional and then go on burn out. I have to remind myself, one day at a time! 🙂 Hoping that your second year here in the area is better than the last!
Thanks so much Sara!!! It’s so true! It’s definitely hard to find those “home friends” as I call them. The people who love you unconditionally! I hope you have found some people like that! xoxo!
It sounds like you’ve come to a good place – so praise God for that! Sometimes the scariest thing is to have blind faith. I’ll say a quick prayer for your family!
Also, I just love that you call your kids “presidents” haha! That is adorable.
Thank you so much! I feel so thankful to be where I am! xo!
Hello sweetie! I am so sorry that you’ve had such a hard time. It is going to get easier but until it does, it really is hard. I think there is something to be said for being in different geographic areas and how hard it is to move from one place to another that truly is a lot different than where you came from. you are a California girl. it is all over your face… Texas for as beautiful and for all it has to offer, isn’t California. I moved to DC when I got Married and for as friendly and upbeat as I am this political town didn’t get the New Jersey girl that I am . It is so hard, but I promise you will meet people and feel close and at home and welcome. I do hope that this is sooner rather than later. Hugs and prayers always xoox
Thank you so much! It’s definitely gotten better. I look back and think about where I was a year ago and I’m thankful for friends, a support system, etc! So glad that so many of us can relate on this topic! xoxo
I’m a military wife and “get it.” Blessings as you forge ahead, building relationships and just navigating a variety of new territory! (We have found that it takes a good year to begin to settle in a new place, so I think you’re totally normal!)
Thank you so much Tara! It’s definitely an adjustment!! XOXO
Ashley this is random, but I believe you made friends with one of THE FIRST friends I made when I moved here from out of state. I saw you as “someone you may know” on Facebook. Brittney and Cody H. They are great friends to have. 🙂
I’ve lived in Houston since I graduated college, but just moved to the burbs two years ago. That was a TOUGH adjustment for me. I had to start all over on making friends and finding my way here….even though it was only 20 minutes away.